Shades of Love

I stared out through the glass; head tilted against the train window. I was searching for a thought to grasp onto, one out of many running through my mind. It was silly of me to be surprised at the one I chose.

The pain instantly found its way into my chest, causing me to wince. At times, I had to ask myself if I enjoyed it. It was something I’d put myself through more frequently. Patiently, eyes closed, I whispered. Hold on, it will pass, just wait it out. Continue reading

The Lone Traveller

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I believed, but you didn’t understood,
And so dull I was, still to be good.

And then there was no end to streaming tears,
That first one came down, blurring everything that appears.

With memories empty, with experience null,
With vapid eye balls meaningless and dull.

As you took more than what you left,
Now I am a tired traveller of my sun bereft.

All I can feel are the changes in my life,
Sometimes peace, and sometimes strife.

Lost to myself & the world; here I am all alone,
Carving her name on this marble stone.

Vain was the struggle in my mental net,
Seem’d my spirit daring me to forget!!!

© – Aman Sharma

I am Trying…

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Its been a while I am trying,
to figure out what’s wrong;
All these years I’ve been crying,
trying to figure out where I belong…

Here I am standing amidst the storm,
storm of pain, guilt and misery;
With a Lil hope that my dreams might transform,
waiting for someone to solve this mystery.

Its been a while I am lying,
pretending & smiling for the world;
But on the inside I am dying,
While round the ratling thunder hurled…

And here I am still trying,
to figure out my purpose of life;
And then I stop to listen to this sighing,
trying to understand the bitter and ceaseless strife…

Copyrights – Aman Sharma

Moving on…

I must admit, moving on was tough. It was like killing a part of yourself and be someone you are not. “How are you feeling now”, someone asked. It feels like someone has erased 2 years of my life. At one end, I am happy that I am no longer in pain or hurt. However, at the same time there is a part of me trying to remember all that I have forgotten. It was like ripping a piece of your heart out and keeping it in a locker. You have the key but you are afraid of opening it and feel all those memories and emotions that you are trying to forget.

My heart is now broke but I am smiling. Smiling like everything is OK. My eyes are dry and a sense of sorrow is there. I wish it was that easy for me to move on, just like you did. You have caused enough pain and so do I. Now it’s time to mend it all and time to let go. But now it’s over and we can’t live the past. The past full of never ending care, emotions and unconditional love.

Flashback

When I recall my past, I realize that I have a history of making prompt decisions when it comes to girls, either being friend with her or fall for her. I have always fallen in love with them without measuring potential risks and outcomes.

It’s just because it’s been my tendency to assume that everyone I meet is emotionally and mentally capable of giving their best rather than seeing and assessing what’s best in them. I have fallen in love more than I can count not for the girl herself but on my assumption of her giving her best in the relationship. At the same time, I have hung on to certain relations for a long time, sometimes far too long, waiting for her to ascend to her own greatness. Many a times I have been a victim of my own optimism when it comes to relations with girls.

But finally I realized that no matter what you do, how you look like, most of the girls you will meet wont be worth it. Its not that they are bad, but its just that they have their own priorities, their own decisions, their own favorites due to which they wither ignore you or keep you as a back up option which is quite obvious. They might talk to you as if they know you for years, discuss their life, your life and even call you one of their best friends. But after a time, things changes and the long hour talks are reduced to minutes and then silence. That is when one should realize if hanging onto the relation is fruitful or not. I, in the past, have taken wrong decision, most of time at this moment, hanging onto them and finally getting hurt.

Though I repeated such instances on a constant basis but finally I can say that I have learned from my past. Though it was hard to change from a desperate guy, looking for attention from female community, trying to make an impression on them (a good one which usually ended up as a bad one). My decisions have become more mature, clear, and thoughtful than they used to be couple of years ago. I am still in the learning phase as everyone is different and who knows one odd day you might face a new and different scenario altogether.”

Thank You!!!

As the year 2013 is coming to an end, here I am with my blog trying to relive the complete year once again and getting myself ready for the one that’s arriving. 

Last year too, it was an emotional moment when I bid adieu to the year 2012 and entered 2013 with new resolutions, challenges, expectations and a few fantasies. But as it is said, life isn’t going to give us what we want; instead it gives us what we deserve. Well, the two resolutions that I took for the year 2013 went down in the first 10 days but this year there are no resolutions. Because I know that this year’s going to be different; full of surprises and beautiful moments. 

People who know me very well also know that fact that I am very very very bad at saying thank you or wishing people back when they wish me. I know this is a bit late now but before this year comes to an end, I would like to take a moment and thank everyone who made the year 2013 worth cherishing.

First and the foremost thank you goes to the almighty for giving this life and giving me such wonderful family. Mom & Dad, you are the best parents on this entire planet and my dumbo brother Shubham; yes I love you too. 

Sunny Bhaiya & Neetu Bhabhi, I don’t know how to thank you for the happiness that you gave to our complete family. Thank you for giving birth to such a sweet baby boy. Trust me, we will get a wonderful name for him soon. Rukku di & Jeeju, you too have filled our lives with equal joy & smiles, bringing Darshi into our lives. Thank you for everything.

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Shilpa & Hitakshi, thanks a ton for being the angels of friendship in my life. Thanks for listening to me when I was depressed and down, for guiding me through difficult times, for giving valuable comments when I sought advice and making me laugh with your silly talks. You two have played a very important role in making me what I am today. Hitakshi, I don’t have words to describe what you mean to me. You are a lifeline, not only to me but to every single friend you have out there, be it Prasan, me or anyone else. Shilpa, you are and will always be the best girl I have ever met in my life; a gem of a person; talented and on the top of it an awesome friend. Thanks for being just a call away for me!!!
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Bhavya, the cute innocent guy, who listens to everything I say and nods his head in approval. Dude you are one hell of a guy. Don’t give up your simplicity and innocence for anything. Sorry for all those moments when I shouted at you or talked in a rude manner. 

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Himani & Dipali Di, you two have always been there for me with your blessings and valuable suggestions whenever I am down, feeling low or don’t know which path to walk on. Thanks for being there in my life and guiding me in the journey. 

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My friends that I got in touch on Facebook, Ankita, Gaurav, Neoni, Prerna, Prashant, PD, Umakant, Priyanka, Ashwina Ma’am, Ishita, Ila, Pulkit, Diksha, Shalini, Radhika, Nitin, Swagnikaa, Sunill, Arpita Ma’am, Nitin, Rishab, Vinod, Nehali, Shrutee and many more guys whose name I am unable to recall as off now. Some of them I have already met and looking forward to meet the rest. You guys changed the whole conception of social networking and it feels like one big family when we are together. Sorry if I missed someone’s name. I am trying to recall all the names but my memory is just all messed up coz of work, work and work. 

Preeti Maa, I just can’t go on without thanking you. No matter what people said  to me about you, the  first  time we met in Jaipur, I knew you are a pure and wonderful soul with a sense of motherly care for everyone you meet. There is a reason I call you mom. I love the way you take care of me, worry if something doesn’t seem right and always advice me for my betterment. I love you mom and will always love you the way I do now.

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My friends here in Jaipur Anu, Neha, Radhika, Rohit, Pooja, Anant, Nitin, Mehul. Thank you guys!!!

Also, a big and a heartfelt thanks to my colleagues at my workplace, the team I am working with, the Genhoos! Its been 8 months now and has been an awesome journey so far. Thank you to each one of you, Yogesh, Avishek,  Kamal, Digvijay, Neeraj, Vikas, Vikram, Nikhil, Aruna, Neha, Tanuj, Yogi, Anand, Gaurav, Irshad, Manish Da, Umesh, Alok sir, Aditya Sir, Jatin Sir and everyone else I missed mentioning here. Thanks a ton for giving me memories worth cherishing.

Digvijay, a special thanks to you for being a wonderful friend and an awesome well-wisher. Your suggestions, criticism, advices have helped me groom myself into a better professional. Thanks for everything.

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In the end I would once again thank each and every person in my life for being there; praying for me & for their best wishes, suggestions and most importantly filling my life with joy, happiness and wonderful moments.

Thank you!!!

The Curse of Expectations

How ironical it is that we get up and motivate our self when we don’t meet our expectations, but go crazy, depressed and angry when others don’t meet our expectations.

And at times, when they do meet our expectations, we don’t feel much happier and the usual term used is, “I expected it that way!”. How simple and beautiful like would be if we could just stop expecting things and save ourselves from the suffering and unhappiness.

Why do we expect? This is one important question, one should be able to answer to avoid expecting and getting hurt over and over again. The answer is quite simple, we expect because we believe that people will do what they say they will do – We expect people to keep their word.

 
Now, instead of writing about why we expect and other shit things about expectations, I will directly come to the point on how we can control our expectations and live much more happily.  

  • Know what you want.
  •  Accept yourself as you are.
  • Be specific with your objectives, what you want from people and your life. In short, set your priorities straight. 
  • Directly ask the person you are expecting from about what you want and make sure that you get the answer in either ‘YES’ or ‘NO’. 
  • Develop the art of reading feelings, both self and of others. It helps us to decide or find what we actually need and will we get that or not.

I don’t know if these things will help you or not; no one can but all we can do is give it a try.  At-least is is better than sitting and wasting any more of your time waiting, hoping, and expecting. I am trying this and it is helping me. So there is a chance that it might help you too. J

Be happy, keep smiling and stop expecting.

#AloneButHappy  

Midnight Rush of Emotions

The only thing that I did wrong was to do everything that you ever asked for. I just wished that you could have done the same for me.”

It happens to people, at times, when they grow up & meet new people; you start to understand things the way they are. And eventually you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see the things the way you do, nor they try to see it or understand it. All you are left with is the option of keeping the beautiful memories and move on in life. 

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It’s then you understand the true meaning of Life. The lessons taught to us from time to time. There are things in life that we don’t want to happen but in the end those things happen and we have to accept them. There are things we do not want to know about but we end up learning them and one of the most important lesson that is taught to us is there are people in our lives we can’t live without but eventually we have to let go of them.
Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that it will all be okay, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. You will have to remind yourself of the fact that the things and people around you have changed and you are left with no option other than letting go and move on. Yes, its going to be a hard decision and you’re gonna feel alone, lonely, in pain, hurt but just hold on to it for a while because that’s what is good for you and who knows tomorrow might turn out to be the bestest day of your life?