All was quiet except for the crunching sound of dry leaves under my feet and the air rushing through the woods. Exhausted, I was almost on the top yet so far. The final stretch approached, the trail got steep and dangerous. But I said to myself, ‘This is my mountain and I will climb it’. The looked at the dancing trees to the whistling of the wind, the humming of birds guiding the visitors and the scattered light that filters through the trees when sun shines. And I was here, on the top, conquering this massive, magnificent piece of art by Mother Nature. I feel weightless and innocent, just admiring the beauty in its purest form. Finally I was here, admiring the great Himalayan range and watch the sun going down the horizon. And as I recall my way to the top, I was able to understand the gist of my journey. Continue reading →
Who am I? Am I in control of myself? Or I am just a shadow of myself or a fragment of who I should be. Am I the salt or the water; Am I me or you; one of many or one of few? Am I a thought, a perception, dream or a nightmare? Or am I a closed book deserted in the clustered bag or on a shelf in the library. Continue reading →
I stared out through the glass; head tilted against the train window. I was searching for a thought to grasp onto, one out of many running through my mind. It was silly of me to be surprised at the one I chose.
The pain instantly found its way into my chest, causing me to wince. At times, I had to ask myself if I enjoyed it. It was something I’d put myself through more frequently. Patiently, eyes closed, I whispered. Hold on, it will pass, just wait it out.Continue reading →
Patience is a quality that we seem to forget or ignore. As we evolve, we grow impatient every minute. Be it while standing in queues for tickets or stuck in traffic and waiting for lights to change. In a literal sense, patience is defined as the person’s capability to accept and tolerate the delay without getting upset about it. But do we take the pain to understand the deeper meaning within? Word Patience implies the willingness to stay in the present and living it to fullest with a belief that something good will happen to us when the time is right.
Who was that girl in the metro; preoccupied with her thoughts, gazing out of the window as sun settles down. Dark hairs, good looks but sad expressions… the way she sat, the far gaze, what’s wrong with here, i thought.
I wanted to ask the reason of the empty look in her crystal eyes as if life was being sucked out of her. Reason she was holding her hands under her thighs that they were almost pale. Her shoulders were down with the whatever she was going through. One could see that she was afraid if people would notice that she was not comfortable.
But as i was looking at her, she turned and our eyes met. My first thought was to look away but i didn’t nor did she. As if she wanted someone to ask her what’s wrong. But before i could say anything, a women in her late 40s sitting next to her asked, “are you all right?”. “I am, yes, I am”, she said. Panic in her voice was visible. As the station arrived, she picked her stuff in a desperate attempt to flee. As she left the metro car, i continued looking at her face; face that was carrying scars of hard life shed been through.
She finally sat on the bench, away from the dwelling eyes of curious people. And as the door closed and metro moved, i could see the tears flowing from her eyes. The pain in its raw form; i felt for her.
He sat in shock by the pain of betrayal and speratation as his eyes filled with tears. Looking around the empty room, he thought its best to sit here and watch his word burn. Razors to wrist, the fan and the rope or the traffice on the roads, all had crossed his mind.
He was on the verge of meltdown but before he could there were questions in his mind he wanted answers to. He wanted to know if it was that easy for her to walk away. He wanted to stare into her eyes and know if it is hurting her ,taking her breath away like his. But that moment was long gone. “Please tell me that i cannot love you anymore”, the last he could say before she left. Broken, hurt, adandoned, just watching his life wash away. The pain was excruciating, felt like it was crushing his soul.
But she was gone forever, leaving nothing but the memories. Memories that he will drag, memories that will haunt him forever.
आँखों में नमी थी , दिल में कमी
हम मुस्कुराते रहे फिर भी
क्युकी उनके चेहरे पर हंसी थी
I couldn’t text you back yet today
Because I don’t know how to
Act like I am just your friend.
Like I have not been more
Intimate with you in some ways
Than I have been with anyone.
Laid my heart completely open
For you all over
I want to be able to have a
Normal, nice healthy conversation
But I want to ask you
Why I do not intrigue you
The way I used to.
I want to ask why
We couldn’t be happy together.
I want to call your phone and
Leave a sad poem I did not
Write onto your voicemail so
You will feel
What I feel.
Soon you will feel
Nothing for me any longer
And that will feel
You do not look to me
To soothe your ache.
I want to believe it isn’t me
That friends and lovers do not
Run away screaming because
They finally see my darkness
And so I appear to them less sane.
I thought our demons could
And that I could have
You are an illusion
I believed into being.
Things aren’t always black or white. They aren’t always right or wrong. There isn’t always an evident answer; there is always that gray area. What we fail to realize is that people work the same way. Our thoughts and feelings are similarly complex like us. So half the time we spend just trying to figure out how we feel or what exactly we think without realizing that there is rarely a clear-cut answer. Sometimes it’s difficult, sometimes impossible, to put a name onto these feelings. Some feelings are not meant to be expressed into words.
It’s okay to have mixed feelings or a combination of thoughts. However, things start getting a little messy when the feelings begin to conflict one another or when the combination of thoughts is simply irrational. Love and hate or annoyance and admiration for example, two opposing extremes; still we find ourselves loving and hating something or getting annoyed by yet admiring them at the same time.
They say that the people we dislike most are usually the ones that remind us of ourselves, of our flaws. That’s not always the case, but it seems to be true quite often. Other times, negative feelings arise from our own insecurities. When such negative feelings are directed toward us, it’s okay to be a little sympathetic. It’s important to still be ourselves and not let it be an excuse to act like anything less.
And then there are times when find ourselves with extremely positive and extremely negative feelings toward one person all together. I can’t help but think even the most extreme negative feelings must stem from some kind of passion. With time, one feeling will most likely overpower the other, but then again, who wants to wait for things to unfold? Especially when you keep finding yourself in the same position weeks, months, or even years later.