Mountain worth the Climb?

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All was quiet except for the crunching sound of dry leaves under my feet and the air rushing through the woods. Exhausted, I was almost on the top yet so far. The final stretch approached, the trail got steep and dangerous. But I said to myself, ‘This is my mountain and I will climb it’. The looked at the dancing trees to the whistling of the wind, the humming of birds guiding the visitors and the scattered light that filters through the trees when sun shines.  And I was here, on the top, conquering this massive, magnificent piece of art by Mother Nature. I feel weightless and innocent, just admiring the beauty in its purest form. Finally I was here, admiring the great Himalayan range and watch the sun going down the horizon. And as I recall my way to the top, I was able to understand the gist of my journey. Continue reading

I wanted to Believe

 I couldn’t text you back yet today
Because I don’t know how to 
Act like I am just your friend. 
Like I have not been more 
Intimate with you in some ways 
Than I have been with anyone.
Laid my heart completely open 
For you all over 
Your bedroom. 
I want to be able to have a 
Normal, nice healthy conversation 
But I want to ask you 
Why I do not intrigue you
The way I used to. 
I want to ask why
We couldn’t be happy together. 
I want to call your phone and
Leave a sad poem I did not 
Write onto your voicemail so
You will feel 
What I feel. 
Or perhaps 
Soon you will feel 
Nothing for me any longer 
And that will feel 
Like relief. 
You do not look to me
To soothe your ache. 
I want to believe it isn’t me 
That friends and lovers do not 
Run away screaming because 
They finally see my darkness
And so I appear to them less sane.
I thought our demons could 
Play together
And that I could have 
Your children. 
You are an illusion 
I believed into being. 

NO – Sentence in itself

You must say what I want to listen”. Any talk with this attitude cannot be termed as conversation.

“No!” This is in itself a complete sentence. The same way “Yes” is; complete and making sense without any other word to suffice its meaning. One just has to ‘Yes’ and the conversation is complete. There is no need to ask for more information when you seek approval for something or from someone. There are no ifs & buts. This is because, by listening ‘Yes’ as the answer, there is an ego satisfaction that one gets. “Yes, he has listened to me or agreed to me” kind of attitude. Continue reading

And in the end, it’s not so bad…

And really, in the end,
it’s not so bad.

Maybe Iam dying quicker than the most,
or maybe I am dying right on time.
and people’s hearts are heavy
just like mine.

They’ll keep us anchored to the world
when life threatens to wash us away.

We are all ships lost at the sea,
and the northern star doesnt always
reign where we can see.

I might be sinking but atleast this life
will have filled my bones right.

I can now leave knowing
the universe left its mark on me.

In the end,
it’s not so bad.

At all..

The Lone Traveller

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I believed, but you didn’t understood,
And so dull I was, still to be good.

And then there was no end to streaming tears,
That first one came down, blurring everything that appears.

With memories empty, with experience null,
With vapid eye balls meaningless and dull.

As you took more than what you left,
Now I am a tired traveller of my sun bereft.

All I can feel are the changes in my life,
Sometimes peace, and sometimes strife.

Lost to myself & the world; here I am all alone,
Carving her name on this marble stone.

Vain was the struggle in my mental net,
Seem’d my spirit daring me to forget!!!

© – Aman Sharma

I was trying to tell you I was not okay.
The pause I took to make sure that I don’t spill the truth.
The way my eyes roamed around like lost marbles.
The way goosebumps lingered around my skin like hives.
And I couldn’t keep my feet planted to the ground.
Keeping my hands in a fist inside my sweater pocket.
To try and sustain myself and hide my sweaty palms.
You only listened to the fake words that slipped out of my lips.
I guess no one ever told you that sometimes words don’t mean a thing.

In Pursuit of Happiness

I love gadgets and books and wrist watches and many more things. When I buy a gadget I want to use or a book I want to read, it feels great. But, when I think about it, I am not happier after I buy these things. There is a certain ‘basic happiness level’ which I am currently at, and I feel that this level does not increase after purchasing a desired object. And yet, I still want these objects. I’d rather have them than not have them, even though they don’t increase my level of happiness.

I noticed something similar when I compared my childhood with a kid of 14 years living next to my house. He too is equally happy and smiling like I used to be almost a decade ago, despite the fact that I didn’t had anything like cell phones, Facebook, Twitter etc. The basic level of happiness of the average teenager has not increased in the past couple of decades years, even though we have all these new technologies and gadgets that make our life easier and more comfortable. And yet, every person would rather have these new devices than not have them.

I started wondering about this, since it has been my assumption that we strive to maximize our happiness, and so if an action has no long term effects on our happiness, why take that action? If I’d rather own these devices than not own them, it means that there is some metric other than happiness that is improved by owning them. I think that metric is ‘CONTENTMENT’. I am simply more content owning these devices than not owning them.

And this concept applies not only to gadgets, but also to other aspects of life. Someone may work hard to get a promotion, build a big house, become rich, get a Nobel Prize, etc, even though after all these things are accomplished their ‘basic happiness level’ will likely not change.

What determines our happiness level is not very well understood, but after our basic survival needs are met, happiness is a function of things like brain chemistry predisposition, whether whoever you love loves you back, how well you get along with your significant other, how many close friends you have, etc.

Those things are unlikely to change just because you bought a new smartphone or a new Porsche or even because you won the Man Booker Prize. And yet, people strive for these things, not because they will be happier with the result, but because they will be more content with the result. They will be more content with themselves if they know that they have achieved what they wanted: bought a beautiful house, made partner in a firm, became CEO, won an Oscar.

People initially think that they are trying to maximize their happiness, but after a while, after achieving some early goals and not feeling happier, they realize that it’s foolish to expect to become happier when the next goal is achieved. And yet, they persist on working towards that next goal. At that point, they are simply trying to maximize their contentment. It’s just that ‘the pursuit of contentment’ is not as catchy as ‘the pursuit of happiness’.

Aman Sharma

P.S.: I am no Great writer or Literature expert or English guru. This post is just a expression of my feelings and you might find some mistakes in it as it is straight from the heart and not proof read. Please ignore the mistakes. 🙂 Thank you.