I was trying to tell you I was not okay.
The pause I took to make sure that I don’t spill the truth.
The way my eyes roamed around like lost marbles.
The way goosebumps lingered around my skin like hives.
And I couldn’t keep my feet planted to the ground.
Keeping my hands in a fist inside my sweater pocket.
To try and sustain myself and hide my sweaty palms.
You only listened to the fake words that slipped out of my lips.
I guess no one ever told you that sometimes words don’t mean a thing.

“Every night…

“Like every night, I once again sit at my computer staring at the screen. A blank screen stares back at me, harsher than my self-loathing. I want to cry but I can’t cry anymore; the tears have dried up. All I can do is let the sobs come, my shoulders rolling under their weight, breaths ragged, throat sore and eyes dry. “

“…..and today, …

“…..and today, there was nothing left between us. Nothing but the pain to kill me with every step I took and every breath I managed to catch. Tears were in my eyes, streaming down my cheeks. No matter what anyone said or I tried convincing myself, in a sense, I would always feel as though it was my fault. May be I didn’t smile enough. May be if I had spoken earlier, If I had held her tighter, for a bit longer; I wouldn’t be sitting on this bench alone. It was me who unintentionally allowed people to take my place in her life. And this was why I didn’t feel anger towards her, just a deep sense of sorrow and disappointment. I clutched at my ribs, trying to calm myself. It was becoming habitual to fit sobbing and lamenting in my schedule. It was all I had left to do with myself.” — Aman Sharma