Race of Life

freddie-marriage-65874He was running and running as if I was in a race; as if flesh eating hounds were unleashed and chasing him. Though he was putting all the efforts, he was weighed down with something. Something that was not visible yet cannot deny the fact that it was pulling him down. There were signs of frustration, determination and exhaustion which showed that he had been on this race for a long time. Continue reading

Shades of Love

I stared out through the glass; head tilted against the train window. I was searching for a thought to grasp onto, one out of many running through my mind. It was silly of me to be surprised at the one I chose.

The pain instantly found its way into my chest, causing me to wince. At times, I had to ask myself if I enjoyed it. It was something I’d put myself through more frequently. Patiently, eyes closed, I whispered. Hold on, it will pass, just wait it out. Continue reading

Girl in the Metro

5C064E41-7A4F-46A9-914F-4B8305A67FC9.jpegWho was that girl in the metro; preoccupied with her thoughts, gazing out of the window as sun settles down. Dark hairs, good looks but sad expressions… the way she sat, the far gaze, what’s wrong with here, i thought.

I wanted to ask the reason of the empty look in her crystal eyes as if life was being sucked out of her. Reason she was holding her hands under her thighs that they were almost pale. Her shoulders were down with the whatever she was going through. One could see that she was afraid if people would notice that she was not comfortable.

But as i was looking at her, she turned and our eyes met. My first thought was to look away but i didn’t nor did she. As if she wanted someone to ask her what’s wrong. But before i could say anything, a women in her late 40s sitting next to her asked, “are you all right?”. “I am, yes, I am”, she said. Panic in her voice was visible. As the station arrived, she picked her stuff in a desperate attempt to flee. As she left the metro car, i continued looking at her face; face that was carrying scars of hard life shed been through.

She finally sat on the bench, away from the dwelling eyes of curious people. And as the door closed and metro moved, i could see the tears flowing from her eyes. The pain in its raw form; i felt for her.

Denial or Acceptance?

He sat in shock by the pain of betrayal and speratation as his eyes filled with tears. Looking around the empty room, he thought its best to sit here and watch his word burn. Razors to wrist, the fan and the rope or the traffice on the roads, all had crossed his mind.

He was on the verge of meltdown but before he could there were questions in his mind he wanted answers to.  He wanted to know if it was that easy for her to walk away. He wanted to stare into her eyes and know if it is hurting her ,taking her breath away like his. But that moment was long gone. “Please tell me that i cannot love you anymore”, the last he could say before she left. Broken, hurt, adandoned, just watching his life wash away. The pain was excruciating, felt like it was crushing his soul.

But she was gone forever, leaving nothing but the memories. Memories that he will drag, memories that will haunt him forever.

 

आँखों में नमी थी , दिल में कमी
हम मुस्कुराते रहे फिर भी
क्युकी उनके चेहरे पर हंसी थी

 

Loneliness

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Lately, there has been a lot on my mind. Things that are distracting, disturbing and making me think back on my life decisions. But I realized, sometimes life makes you go through so much, brings you full circle to a place you’ve been to before just to show how much you have grown. Amidst the storm in your heart and war with you mind, you remember the last time you were here. “Its’ all for the best”, “You’ll get over with it”,”Time heals everything” and more that was said to you. These are all well-meant, caring words people tend to say when someone they know or love is hurt. Sometimes you don’t know what to say back to them but this time you know that these phrases make things worse. Telling someone who has lost their loved ones that times heals will not help them in the raw pain they are in that very moment.

But have you ever stopped and thought about why you feel hurt when you’re in a relationship? Continue reading

I wanted to Believe

 I couldn’t text you back yet today
Because I don’t know how to 
Act like I am just your friend. 
Like I have not been more 
Intimate with you in some ways 
Than I have been with anyone.
Laid my heart completely open 
For you all over 
Your bedroom. 
I want to be able to have a 
Normal, nice healthy conversation 
But I want to ask you 
Why I do not intrigue you
The way I used to. 
I want to ask why
We couldn’t be happy together. 
I want to call your phone and
Leave a sad poem I did not 
Write onto your voicemail so
You will feel 
What I feel. 
Or perhaps 
Soon you will feel 
Nothing for me any longer 
And that will feel 
Like relief. 
You do not look to me
To soothe your ache. 
I want to believe it isn’t me 
That friends and lovers do not 
Run away screaming because 
They finally see my darkness
And so I appear to them less sane.
I thought our demons could 
Play together
And that I could have 
Your children. 
You are an illusion 
I believed into being. 

NO – Sentence in itself

You must say what I want to listen”. Any talk with this attitude cannot be termed as conversation.

“No!” This is in itself a complete sentence. The same way “Yes” is; complete and making sense without any other word to suffice its meaning. One just has to ‘Yes’ and the conversation is complete. There is no need to ask for more information when you seek approval for something or from someone. There are no ifs & buts. This is because, by listening ‘Yes’ as the answer, there is an ego satisfaction that one gets. “Yes, he has listened to me or agreed to me” kind of attitude. Continue reading

And in the end, it’s not so bad…

And really, in the end,
it’s not so bad.

Maybe Iam dying quicker than the most,
or maybe I am dying right on time.
and people’s hearts are heavy
just like mine.

They’ll keep us anchored to the world
when life threatens to wash us away.

We are all ships lost at the sea,
and the northern star doesnt always
reign where we can see.

I might be sinking but atleast this life
will have filled my bones right.

I can now leave knowing
the universe left its mark on me.

In the end,
it’s not so bad.

At all..

I was trying to tell you I was not okay.
The pause I took to make sure that I don’t spill the truth.
The way my eyes roamed around like lost marbles.
The way goosebumps lingered around my skin like hives.
And I couldn’t keep my feet planted to the ground.
Keeping my hands in a fist inside my sweater pocket.
To try and sustain myself and hide my sweaty palms.
You only listened to the fake words that slipped out of my lips.
I guess no one ever told you that sometimes words don’t mean a thing.

Those 120 Hours, 280 Authors, 174 Sessions and Audience…

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It’s been a wonderful 120 hours or 5 days of Literature and controversies. One of the biggest gathering of words; words that were no less than pearls here. Its seemed like someone bestowed Jaipur with Rosary of Pearls. A perfect combination of best management, interest, discipline, moderation and virtue. There were many small elements comprising this one grand stage, attracting everyone to gather here in Jaipur. The visitors from places other than Jaipur were way more as compared to the local audience. For past one week, Jaipur was transformed into the Heart of Literature for thousands of people across the globe.

There were lot of talks going on, on the outside and they kept speaking. The ones who went in found something, the outsiders can never think of. In 174 sessions, some created conspiracies, but rest were way far from it. They were Big. it was Big because the 280 authors present in the Fest had a wonderful magnet called “WORDS”. It was powerful and beautiful because it gave and taught children, teenagers, youngsters and everyone else present there something that can never be taught at home or at school and cannot be interpreted by the scholars themselves.On the grand stage of Literature, there was a parallel discussion-dialogue of Books, Languages, Stories, Poems, Songs & Gazals going on. 70% of the sitting capacity was covered by the young generation. In the changing scenario, it was a pleasant surprise to see so much youth accumulated at one place. The questions put up to them were something so difficult that authors have to use their deep sense of knowledge to answer them.

The rules laid down for the normal Visitors-Audience, Delegates, Media, Authors or Organizers were same throughout the Fest, from parking to the entry in the Diggi Palace. There were no shortcuts, which was something eye pleasing and a rare thing to have at present. No VIPs or shortcuts. Everyone had to go through the same line of checking by metal detectors ID card scanning at each entry and exit point; whether they were coming for the first time or tenth time or the hundredth. Same was the rule for sitting. No VIP reservations were there and quite often it was seen that personalities like Kabir Bedi, Javed Akhtar, S.Shreesanth, Shabana Azmi, Sharmila Tagore etc sitting somewhere in the middle of the crowd.

The experience of Jaipur Literature Festival 2013 was so mesmerizing, beautiful and never before. One cannot experience the breath taking sessions, adrenaline rush and excitement on meeting authors and famous names of literature world without any problem or security barricades. It’s been a day the festival has come to an end and people have already started to make plans for the next one. This is, my friends, JAIPUR LITERATURE FESTIVAL for you.

– Aman Sharma