Who was that girl in the metro; preoccupied with her thoughts, gazing out of the window as sun settles down. Dark hairs, good looks but sad expressions… the way she sat, the far gaze, what’s wrong with here, i thought.
I wanted to ask the reason of the empty look in her crystal eyes as if life was being sucked out of her. Reason she was holding her hands under her thighs that they were almost pale. Her shoulders were down with the whatever she was going through. One could see that she was afraid if people would notice that she was not comfortable.
But as i was looking at her, she turned and our eyes met. My first thought was to look away but i didn’t nor did she. As if she wanted someone to ask her what’s wrong. But before i could say anything, a women in her late 40s sitting next to her asked, “are you all right?”. “I am, yes, I am”, she said. Panic in her voice was visible. As the station arrived, she picked her stuff in a desperate attempt to flee. As she left the metro car, i continued looking at her face; face that was carrying scars of hard life shed been through.
She finally sat on the bench, away from the dwelling eyes of curious people. And as the door closed and metro moved, i could see the tears flowing from her eyes. The pain in its raw form; i felt for her.
He sat in shock by the pain of betrayal and speratation as his eyes filled with tears. Looking around the empty room, he thought its best to sit here and watch his word burn. Razors to wrist, the fan and the rope or the traffice on the roads, all had crossed his mind.
He was on the verge of meltdown but before he could there were questions in his mind he wanted answers to. He wanted to know if it was that easy for her to walk away. He wanted to stare into her eyes and know if it is hurting her ,taking her breath away like his. But that moment was long gone. “Please tell me that i cannot love you anymore”, the last he could say before she left. Broken, hurt, adandoned, just watching his life wash away. The pain was excruciating, felt like it was crushing his soul.
But she was gone forever, leaving nothing but the memories. Memories that he will drag, memories that will haunt him forever.
आँखों में नमी थी , दिल में कमी
हम मुस्कुराते रहे फिर भी
क्युकी उनके चेहरे पर हंसी थी
Lately, there has been a lot on my mind. Things that are distracting, disturbing and making me think back on my life decisions. But I realized, sometimes life makes you go through so much, brings you full circle to a place you’ve been to before just to show how much you have grown. Amidst the storm in your heart and war with you mind, you remember the last time you were here. “Its’ all for the best”, “You’ll get over with it”,”Time heals everything” and more that was said to you. These are all well-meant, caring words people tend to say when someone they know or love is hurt. Sometimes you don’t know what to say back to them but this time you know that these phrases make things worse. Telling someone who has lost their loved ones that times heals will not help them in the raw pain they are in that very moment.
But have you ever stopped and thought about why you feel hurt when you’re in a relationship? Continue reading →
I was trying to tell you I was not okay.
The pause I took to make sure that I don’t spill the truth.
The way my eyes roamed around like lost marbles.
The way goosebumps lingered around my skin like hives.
And I couldn’t keep my feet planted to the ground.
Keeping my hands in a fist inside my sweater pocket.
To try and sustain myself and hide my sweaty palms.
You only listened to the fake words that slipped out of my lips.
I guess no one ever told you that sometimes words don’t mean a thing.
How ironical it is that we get up and motivate our self when we don’t meet our expectations, but go crazy, depressed and angry when others don’t meet our expectations.
And at times, when they do meet our expectations, we don’t feel much happier and the usual term used is, “I expected it that way!”. How simple and beautiful like would be if we could just stop expecting things and save ourselves from the suffering and unhappiness.
Why do we expect? This is one important question, one should be able to answer to avoid expecting and getting hurt over and over again. The answer is quite simple, we expect because we believe that people will do what they say they will do – We expect people to keep their word.
Now, instead of writing about why we expect and other shit things about expectations, I will directly come to the point on how we can control our expectations and live much more happily.
Know what you want.
Accept yourself as you are.
Be specific with your objectives, what you want from people and your life. In short, set your priorities straight.
Directly ask the person you are expecting from about what you want and make sure that you get the answer in either ‘YES’ or ‘NO’.
Develop the art of reading feelings, both self and of others. It helps us to decide or find what we actually need and will we get that or not.
I don’t know if these things will help you or not; no one can but all we can do is give it a try. At-least is is better than sitting and wasting any more of your time waiting, hoping, and expecting. I am trying this and it is helping me. So there is a chance that it might help you too. J
The only thing that I did wrong was to do everything that you ever asked for. I just wished that you could have done the same for me.”
It happens to people, at times, when they grow up & meet new people; you start to understand things the way they are. And eventually you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see the things the way you do, nor they try to see it or understand it. All you are left with is the option of keeping the beautiful memories and move on in life.
It’s then you understand the true meaning of Life. The lessons taught to us from time to time. There are things in life that we don’t want to happen but in the end those things happen and we have to accept them. There are things we do not want to know about but we end up learning them and one of the most important lesson that is taught to us is there are people in our lives we can’t live without but eventually we have to let go of them.
Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that it will all be okay, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. You will have to remind yourself of the fact that the things and people around you have changed and you are left with no option other than letting go and move on. Yes, its going to be a hard decision and you’re gonna feel alone, lonely, in pain, hurt but just hold on to it for a while because that’s what is good for you and who knows tomorrow might turn out to be the bestest day of your life?