Lately, there has been a lot on my mind. Things that are distracting, disturbing and making me think back on my life decisions. But I realized, sometimes life makes you go through so much, brings you full circle to a place you’ve been to before just to show how much you have grown. Amidst the storm in your heart and war with you mind, you remember the last time you were here. “Its’ all for the best”, “You’ll get over with it”,”Time heals everything” and more that was said to you. These are all well-meant, caring words people tend to say when someone they know or love is hurt. Sometimes you don’t know what to say back to them but this time you know that these phrases make things worse. Telling someone who has lost their loved ones that times heals will not help them in the raw pain they are in that very moment.
But have you ever stopped and thought about why you feel hurt when you’re in a relationship? And when that happens, you undergo a strange emotional pandemonium. Why the drift between people causes pain and the loneliness in you? The peculiar constant loneliness that blooms and accompanies you, every minute, every hour of the day. It is that loneliness that apprehends your heartbeat when you share your deepest emotions only to have them ignored and disregarded. It is the isolation or abandonment that makes you crave for the slightest of affection and turn it into a caring gesture even if it’s just in your mind.
Its is the loneliness that flows through us when we expose fears, hopes and dreams to someone, making ourselves vulnerable. And you do your best to combat it, only to give away pieces of yourself in exchange of acceptance. This happens until one day you realize you’re mere a shadow or a shell of a person you once were. And then you’re lonely for yourself, soaking for your OLD YOU to come back. You never realized the loneliness that was blooming inside was gasping you of yourself.
I always thought that something like loneliness can only be found in people living alone but its more prone to find its place in people who are surrounded by crowd because everyone is so busy with themselves, that they never realize that someone within their reach is hurting so much and can’t utter a word of it. But like everything else, this too has a solution, only if you’re strong enough to accept it.
A quote I read dew days back on the internet,”You must enter into a relationship with yourself before you enter with anyone else and you will be happy forever”. This means that you should do things by yourself. Take a walk in a park alone. Go on a vacation alone, eat alone. But don’t sit on your phone the whole time and wait for that message or call that’s never gonna come… Let your mind think for itself and drift away into your own imagination. Be Alone but not lonely. 🙂